Explorations in Humanity

This is the last conversation i had with my boyfriend.After months of not knowing where he was.He left me in texas without word under the pretense that he was getting a job and starting a new life for us up in this little town.Come to find out....



Current mood: nauseated

Where have you been?dont pretend you arent there either
i saw you in ccs Oh in case you forgot this is the girl you abandoned i texas.Do i need to remind you or have you forgotten

I'm done with it all .. I can't deal with others anymore

Oh? and what did i do to deserve this?

I left *other girl* she got pregnant and didn't want it

EXCEPT wait here for you like a fool

I did

im sorry but what? YOU wanted to have kids DO you know what you cost me?
What you did to me hun/?

no she didn't want it,I did

She called you an asshole did you know that?So bc of this you leave me without
a word hun?Do you have any idea, i waited for you


So... I don't fucking acare anymore

I called the police after a few months.How can you be so heartless i did
nothing wrong to you she did i see that but what the hell did i do

I'm in *another town* now... and I'm a bastard, but I wanted to start new... Like I said, I'm done with it all

So it all meant nothing to you? why punish me for something that she did?

nothing means anything anymore to me.and stop calling my mom she doesn't
know where I am

I waited and hoped i did and you do this?you arent human nobody with a heart could do this
i lost everything bc of you.But i hope you are happy

And what have I gotten?

you never told anyone what you wanted you just left like a coward.What have you gotten? Let me see i gave my whole life for you i did everything i could do to make you happy.What more could i give you? Is it bc i couldnt have a child?

I had to reevaluate my life.... I hope we can stay friends online.. I just can't deal with anybody for awhile.. and I think I'm done dateing

But this still doesnt answer my question. What did i do to deserve you abandoning me like
that? She was horrible i get that completely but what the fuck did i do to make you want to stop dating hun? What? It doesnt make any sence at all. I thought you were dead. You left me here with no word nothing. What kind of a person does that to another that not even a week prior they said i love you.How can you say i love you and treat me like that baby?
Im at a loss

It's not you.. it's people

Think about it please.We were together for how long?And i get no word nothing.I called the
cops worried.I am fucking crying my eyes out right now.Jason you hurt me

I'm sorry... call me all the names you want.. I'm sorry I hurt you ... I am not the same person anymore

Im not even sure i knew you at all hun.I sat here and supported you and because someone else mistreated you in this way you leave everything behind And you know i dont get along
with your mother but think of this.. she just lost one child.Now you leave her too.. hat did she do?

I don't think I know myself anymore

She was worried sick aobut you

stay out of it with my mom

Why? i dont exist to you.You dont contact her hardly at all im a decent person at least i can let her know you are ok dont you think?I had to im you after how many months? i emailed you imed you called you everything and you give me nothing

She knows I'm ok.. she just doesn't know where I am nor do I want her to know because
like I said ..I'm done with everythign

I am a fucking fool i stayed single this long waiting for you.I am an idiot No that doesnt mean i am going to start bcx i dont trust anyone anymore.

you shouldn't....I don't anymore

Yes but remember one thing.I stayed loyal to you till the end. I never strayed and i am treated this way.

No you didn't.. you are a much better person then I ever was not being sarcastic

All i ever wanted was to love you that is all i wanted

not blaming you.. but I did really want kids

But that is something Jen did to you.So basically because we couldnt seem to have children you just left me along with all the rest of the things in your life...

I left everything... I'm sitting here in a bare apartment I left everything because I couldn't
take my previous life I couldn't handle it all anymore

No you couldnt take jen having an abortion.This has nothing to do with me. You just included me bc i happened to be a part of your previous life and that is a really horrible thing to do to someone.

I want kids... not blaming you.. but for whatever reason we couldn't...
I want to find somebody that wants them too,.. and I'm running out of time.You only wanted them because you thought it would drive me away if you didn't want them

you know you and i could have adopted we could have gone to a doctor and tried to find out what the problem was.

I don't want somebody else's

But i stuck with you i even let you have other women.IM tired.. now i know it was bc of
something that wasnt even my fault.Because i could not have children you did not want me.
Ok thank you now at least i know. I waited months to find out what i did or what happened to you or if you were ok.But now i know.Gooddnight..sighs..goodbye. Thank you for taking 6 months to tell me this.While my world fell apart.

I still have heard nothing from him.Not a word...and just so you know..anyone reading this.This is the last song i sent to him.To try and life his spirits as he was having a very hard time with his new job.This was the last one.. and you know..i meant for this to help. "sighs" I fucking give up...


Assemblage23 - Lullaby

May you find solace in the gentle arms of sleep
Despite the wolves outside your door
In time you will see them all as harmless
And their idle threats easy to ignore

And if ever fate should choose to smite you
Stand your ground, never walk away
Please don't ever let the world defeat you
Don't get buried in its decay

As you drift into the gauzy realm of dreams
May you take comfort in the thought that you are safe
For it only takes a fraction of a second
For all of this to change

CHORUS
Return to me
When slumber's fog has lifted
Return to me
Stronger than before

As you sink beneath the soothing streams of time
May you be thankful that you had another day
For there comes a time when each of us will enter
A sleep from which we will never wake

And if ever fate should choose to smite you
Stand your ground, never walk away
Please don't ever let the world defeat you
Don't get buried in its decay

Close your eyes now, if only for a moment
For it's time you get some rest
The wolves are gone and nothing here can harm you
Let go of your fragile consciousness

OK some truths i have to deal with..

My boyfriend has not contacted me in about a month now.I have sent email,ims,called left messages on his mothers phone and his and no response.But the storage unit was paid.I do not know what to think or what to do.

I am really lonely right now and i do not know if i am single or not.I am poly so this doesn't bother me too much.But what does is this.I went in the military and i have aobut 18 hours of college under my belt.I have a high school education and then education prgressed through my voracious reading.I worked many customer serive jobs.Finally i found one at apple computer and it was more than i could have hoped for.I liked it i was good at it and i made alot of money.Life was good. Then one day i came to work and the pain began.. and progressed.Over that day i was told to go home and see a doctor so i did and my medical nightmare began...i lost my job same day they uttered the words we hope you feel better.. that day i lost my insurance.Sighs.If you know what it is like you understand.For pain management i was on 315 mgs of morphine approx a day.Horrible stuff and i had to quit cold turkey after two years. They told me that there is no cure that i have a degenerative bone disorder.I am in pain all the time.Right now i am on disability and i do not know when this will run out.

Because of all this shit that has happened lately i have considered how to end my life.I have come up with some good plans too let me tell you.I wont do it but if i ever get to a point that scary part is i have it down.Its not painless but then i live with pain a constant reminder.It never goes away. I cant sleep well and i feel hopeless.I barely hae the energy to do anything.Now on top of this i think i may be alone.I live out in the middle of nowhere at the moment and if i wanted to get a job it would be almost impossible bc i do not have a car. So for now i live on my computer and watch other people live their lives.I live with my ex girlfriend and i am tired all the time.I have no energy and i feel i could be living a better life.. i want nothing more than someone to take care of.I want someone that i can cook for and clean and love.I want a cat and a garden nothing big i do not need lots of money to make me happy.I am goth i suppose i am morbid sometimes and my natural tendancy is to enjoy horror films.Smiles. Im not a bad person i do not believe that at all.But i need direction..

I have considered becoming a teacher because the greatest joy i have ever known is to help someone.Show them the way to solve a problem.But i cannot solve my own.. i havent passed the sat Where i went to school you had the chance to take the psat and i did horrible in math. The other sections i did well in.Lately i have had social anxiety. Im almost afraid to leave the house.So i am forcing myself to do it.I was in a wheelchair for a year and the doctors said nope not walking again but i am..damnit i walk now. It hurts but i do it.The one thing i wish more than anything is to have a family and to dance again.. is that so much to ask? ..sighs.. i dont know who i am directing this to but i had to write it down it is in my head.. and i am on the verge of tears.

Sitting in my room i want nothing more than to hold you...to touch your face and caress your cheek and let you know i love you.To once again taste you ...*sigh*


Alone this holiday season and i am becoming depressed again and i don't know what to do to fix it..well haha i know one thing but i will not follow through with something like that.But the temptation is there for sure.

Tim passes and i now understand more and more over time just how little we have...you cannot hold onto time.You go follow your dreams...im 32 i feel it is too late for me.

I have a singing voice yet what did i do with it?
I am a writer..but to what acclaim?
I'm a listener yet what do i have to give people truly?
I'm a loser..enough said.

This song means so much to me...i sit and listen and it gives you a soft hope and a realization of something i have always known that this life is short and you never know how short really so try and live it....REALLY


http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=JlzQqToPchM&feature=related

May you find solace in the gentle arms of sleep
Despite the wolves outside your door
In time you will see them all as harmless
And their idle threats easy to ignore

And if ever fate should choose to smite you
Stand your ground, never walk away
Please don't ever let the world defeat you
Don't get buried in its decay

As you drift into the gauzy realm of dreams
May you take comfort in the thought that you are safe
For it only takes a fraction of a second
For all of this to change

CHORUS
Return to me
When slumber's fog has lifted
Return to me
Stronger than before

As you sink beneath the soothing streams of time
May you be thankful that you had another day
For there comes a time when each of us will enter
A sleep from which we will never wake

And if ever fate should choose to smite you
Stand your ground, never walk away
Please don't ever let the world defeat you
Don't get buried in its decay

Close your eyes now, if only for a moment
For it's time you get some rest
The wolves are gone and nothing here can harm you
Let go of your fragile consciousness

Have you ever fallen over the edge in a headlong dive into this thing called love with someone? Have you ever looked into their eyes and thought my god this is the one? Have you ever been able to kill that dull ache inside? have you finally been able to silence those voices that tell you why bother? WELL I DID. i did dammit ! i had that.But at what cost? He made me feel wonderful in every way but one... i couldn't talk to anyone really without stirring some insecurity he had.If someone flirted with me i was actually afraid he would cause an argument later.Even though i was an innocent participant.I was completely and utterly true to him and him alone.I didn't want anyone else.He made me happy but at the same time he made me feel like he trust me.Because deep down he didn't and his actions proved this.

So i did what i had to do.. i had to break his heart and mine.I am so lost now i feel horrible and i am crying as i type this.I didn't want to do this but i did not have a choice left.What am i supposed to do?God if he ever reads this i am so sorry.. i am so fucking lost without you.But this wasnt going to change and you have to see this too....you have to.I love you still.

There is something broken inside of me
a small chasm has opened up and it gains in size
I sit on the edge of an abyss and it only takes one moment..all i have to do
is close my eyes
close my eyes and fall
fling my arms out and hold on to nothing..for nothing claims me
nothing but the vilest things cling on to me
sordid whispers float above my head and i embrace their small little twittering's
they summon such feelings inside of me
such poison that the ether gives...nimbus and gossamer strands cling like a vile honey
wrapping my morbid sense of worth about me tightly
what more is there?
how can i go on when i can barely breathe?
what shall my purpose be? to wield words with a fierce joy?
to summon courage in others?
what is my fucking purpose?!
disastrous ministrations of ruination are all i am capable of and all i can ever know
surround me
suffocate on my self loathing
come gather round the daily dose is spewed forth for you to consume

See how gently the rot steals into the soul?How smoothly the wish unfulfilled becomes the right withheld?Show me the heart that is pure and i will show you the heart that is stone.We all have our demon lords,our unquenchable thirsts,our secret treason's;We all have our unreasonable excuses and our tempting cases,but that cannot change what we have done.We have all struck our bargains.Pretending that we had no choice does not make us tragic,noble or virtuous,it only makes us weak.

Ahh yes gotta love the world.There are so many things that scream out at you if you look close enough you can actually lose your mind.IF you have common sense then you will surely become lost in it all in an effort to get away.Because how can anyone sit there seeing all of the bullshit all of the control being given away willingly by so many people?

If you value your mind then do not watch television.If you wish to remain free then do not listen to the latest and supposedly greatest music offered up to us as if it were anything but the vilest bullshit concoction that the corporations can manage.Look away and delve into things that can benefit your life.Study things you never looked at before.Read a book sit and ponder what can be done even if it is only a tiny little change.You are but one person but you are NOT the only one thinking in this way.You are not alone in endeavoring to better the world.

People are indeed sheep for the most part.They listen and are swayed and are gullible.They are incapable of questioning because they are constantly bombarded by these messages of inadequacy and inferiority.They are assaulted by these messages to consume consume CONSUME until what? until what? you have more shit than you know what to do with? Until every single holiday is nothing more than a grab for stuff? until nobody cares about anything anymore and all they want to do is sit at home and watch television and eat shit that will fucking kill you?

No this is not the way to live if you are deluded enough to actually believe that this is the way it should be then crawl back into your hole and save us the pain of having to look at you.Go breed and consume be merry and fuck off!

For the rest of us.Those that are actually aware of the problems lets endeavor to actually make a mark.Piss off someone that has allowed the blinders to be pulled over their eyes.Make them see if they stand a chance of understanding it.For the rest i don't really give a fuck anymore. They can all do whatever the hell they want. I have a life to live and it isn't a life that i have to mimic the rest of polite society in order to be accepted.IF they do not like it they can continue in their pallid shadow of an existence while mine is filled with vibrancy and potential.

best of craigslist > austin > Pheromone Assault - m4w
Originally Posted: Tue, 19 Feb 01:18 CST
Pheromone Assault - m4w
Date: 2008-02-19, 1:18AM CST


I was trying desperately to pay attention/stay awake during the lecture on Saturday, when, much to my surprise, I was visited by an erection. Not just any erection, but my very own. How could this possibly be happening in such a benign and sterile environment? The break rolled around. Time to get up, very cautiously, at that, collect my seemingly uncontrollable libido and refocus my attentions on...basically anything besides my package. Lo and behold, as we reconvened, again I was struck with the terror I haven't felt since I was sixteen years old. My only conclusion is that ovulation had someone spitting olfactory arousal like a garden sprinkler. Please, do me, and my member, a favor the next time your uterus is screaming for seed; wear a sweater, or latex panties, or a cellophane body suit. Anything to keep your hormonal telekinesis under wraps.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 578970987
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > My Missed Connection with Hard-Earned Cervical Annihilation. - w4m
Originally Posted: Mon, 17 Dec 12:18 CST
My Missed Connection with Hard-Earned Cervical Annihilation. - w4m
Date: 2007-12-17, 12:18PM CST


Okay, look: I know there's been a lot of buildup. All those sloppy drunken looks, rubbing thighs on beer-soaked couches, me all dopey-smiley watching you roll around on the floor and scream for your band. One time you showed up unexpectedly at a party, and I Febrezed myself in the bathroom so you would think I smell pretty. We go together like bacon and eggs. Like hookers and blow.

And then, finally, I mustered up the ovaries to openly proposition you. We rolled around in bed for a while. I fumbled for the goods, and scha-BLAM! Your next generation, all over my hand. It was cool, though. We were excited.

But this last time, we were relatively sober. I was in peak condition! I pulled my clothes off all slow-like, then crawled up the bed, making dick-happy noises, getting girl-juice on your leg. I had just enough Schlitz in my system to administer a truly impassioned blowjob without picking the lint from your belly button (it was distracting, but the sheer force of libido compelled me to let this slide). You got all thigh-quivery. I made my move.

Slowly, I pried my mouth away from your kickstand and straddled you. Sweet Mother of God, did you ever feel good! I began to slowly grind, kissing your neck, my hand in your hair...

When, all of a sudden, you picked me up by my hips and threw me. THREW me! I came crashing down on the bed to your left, a truly impressive mid-coital bodyslam. Cunthurt and bewildered, I am immediately turned to inquire, "What the fuck?"

You responded by spraying your boy-goo all over my tummy!

Okay, listen: I know I'm good at what I do. But three minutes is not acceptable. I've seen virginities come and go in faster time. And just going to sleep was pretty uncool, too. I'm a woman, and sex is a buyer's market for me. I shouldn't have to jerk off in my bathroom, fantasizing about the goddamn video store clerk while you sleep in my bed.

You gotta step up your game, baby. Or I'll find another guy with dumb tattoos to annihilate my cervix for you.


* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 512094195

ok my jaw was hanging open at the end of this lovely diatribe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > Calling all Roys or Troys or LeRoys
Originally Posted: Thu, 18 Oct 14:18 CDT
Calling all Roys or Troys or LeRoys
Date: 2007-10-18, 2:18PM CDT


Hi...

If your name is Roy, Troy or LeRoy...I WANT YOU!

I was with a Roy before (please see photo) and it didn't last as long as my tattoo. Who knew?

Getting the tattoo removed is not something I want to do, plus I'm so accustomed to bellowing it (Roy) out in bed. What can I say, I'm a creature of habit.

If your name isn't Roy, or even a variation, but you can somehow find a way to incorporate it into my tattoo, I'm open to suggestions.

About me: I'm 27, 5'4", 115 lbs, brown hair, blue eyes, freckles and looking for love (and a way to keep my tattoo).

Thanks fellas,

Dynah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Open Letter to Bi-curious Drunk Girls
Date: 2007-08-26, 2:57PM CDT


Dear Bi-curious Drunk Girls,

I have something I need to get off my chest. While it's been fun, the kissing and making out and such, something's got to give. You see, I know the minute you start talking about how you "like girls, too", or "think about women a lot" that you're eventually going to ask me to kiss you. I don't mind this at all. In fact, I generally enjoy it. Where I start having a problem is when I try to decide just how drunk you are.

I mean, I've been there, drunk that is. And I've been taken advantage of a time or two in that inebriated state. And while I'll be the first to admit I can be a real asshole at times, I try not to take advantage of other people. I consider nailing a girl who's had a few too many "taking advantage". Even if she acts like that's what she wants. Even if she drunk dials me an hour later. You know you didn't leave anything in my car.

I'm just asking for a little help here. So today, while you're relatively sober, this is what I want you to do:

Give me written permission.

That's right, put it on paper. Say "I (fill in the blank), being of sound and sober mind, give permission to the next hot dyke I hit on to nail me soundly. Sincerely, (fill in the blank again)." Then make sure you take it with you the next time you head out to get shit-faced.

It's that simple.

It will make me feel better about doing what I want to do anyway, which is you.

Sincerely,

An ethical, but sexually frustrated queer

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 406565098
`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > To the guy who had sex last night in front of my house
Originally Posted: Thu, 19 Apr 15:21 CDT
To the guy who had sex last night in front of my house
Date: 2007-04-19, 3:21PM CDT


You are not supposed to park where you do – at any time of the day. I consider myself a reasonably nice person that is why you haven’t been ticketed, towed, etc. However, today I draw the line. You have been parking your ugly car in front of my house every Monday through Thursday since January fairly regularly. You are blocking my view of the street.

Perhaps you have merely overlooked the rather larger sign stating the rules for parking in this area whilst concentrating on maneuvering your car perfectly into position; and if that is the case, please, allow me to clarify: There is NO Parking (here) at any time except with an area 14 residential permit. This is a college town and parking is a nightmare, I know. However I presume that your reading skills are not what is at fault here. You think you are being really clever (by avoiding having to purchase a school permit or ride the bus).You know that APD has more important things to do then worry about petty parking crimes and you probably assumed that no one would care. This is WRONG. You are allowed to park permit-free further up the street should you feel the need, but this is a more residential area where “real” people live with their children and would rather you didn’t park wherever and drive around at all hours of the day . . . which leads me to my next point.

DO NOT boff some girl in said car in front of my house, parked illegally on my street, under a freakin street lamp. This is college town, did you think no one would see? I mean seriously dude. If you were that horny, perhaps you should have moved to the backseat – that would have prevented repeated honking of the horn. I would have never even known what was going on if my walls weren’t so thin and the honking so regular (my god who goes on like that for well over an hour on a well lit street in front of a stranger’s house?).

I don’t really care if you have to have sex in your car because you still live at home with mom and dad, I just want to enjoy a peaceful honk-free evening in the serenity of my own home. I do hope you understand this.

If this car (and surrounding area) look familiar to you (see pic.) . . . please, please, please park somewhere . . . anywhere else.

P.S. You look like you’re 12 years old.

Oh yeah and Thank You. I don’t think I will ever be able to own a Toyota. As far as I could tell from the violent rocking of your car, they seem poorly constructed and well quite frankly, now they remind me of you.



* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 314979450
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > You might be creeped out. It's talk and type software - w4m
Originally Posted: Sun, 19 Nov 12:43 CST
You might be creeped out. It's talk and type software - w4m
Date: 2006-11-19, 12:43PM CST


I think I'm just far enough away that you can't hear me talking this to my computer. I use a software that types for me, and it is finally well enough calibrated that it gets most things right the the the the the. Except laughing, apparently.

Anyway, I think you are in a band and you are super cute. Hive seen you before at Longbranch and Beauty Bar. I can't tell if you are out of hearing range of me and thus oblivious to this live MC posting, or if I am just making you very uncomfortable and you are can I get you another latte trying to ignore me. I will leave in the conversation my computer picked up from the waitress in case that will help you recognize me.

You just slammed your old school apple laptop shut and grabbed your stuff and left, but I don't know if you were just done with whatever you were working on or if you have been hearing me all this time and either you finally just realized I was posting a missed connection about you or you finally just got too creeped out to stay any longer.

I hope you are not creeped out. I know it would have been less creepy if I had typed this instead of saying it all out loud while looking directly at you, but I just got this software a couple of weeks ago for multitasking and now I can't help but use it all the time. Want to get coffee some time?

* Location: a table away from you
* It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 237124198
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > 7 out of 8 ain't bad...
Originally Posted: Thu, 10 Aug 20:16 CDT
7 out of 8 ain't bad...
Date: 2006-08-10, 8:16PM CDT


Okay. So I'm at work, being bored and hungry. I decided to order a pizza. I order the pizza, wait the 45 minutes and finally the pizza arrrives! (halleluja plays in the background) I sign for the pizza and it's all mine. I take the box. Oh, the glorious smell of Papa John's. How I love thee. I open the box. Hmm. Somethings missing from my pizza. The sausage? No. The tomatoes perhaps? Nope. Maybe...the cheese? What, are you silly? No. No. No. Not sausage or tomatoes or cheese. You know what's missing from my pizza? A WHOLE FUCKING SLICE!!! And I know you're thinking "You've gotta be shitting me" because that's how every single person that has heard about this has reacted. No. I'm not kidding. A whole god-dammed slice was missing from my pizza.

And just in case you don't believe me, here's a re-creation of what I opened my pizza box to find...

So, I do what any red-blood American would do after discovering that their dilectable pseudo-italian concoction had be tampered with: I call the manager of Papa John's.

Pizza Girl #1: Thank you for calling Papa John's. Just to let you know we have a special. Two large pizzas....

Me: I'm calling to complain.

Pizza Girl: Oh? What seems to be the problem.

Me: Well, my pizza got here and there's a slice missing.

Pizza Girl: Are you serious?

Me: As a heart-attack. There's a whole slice...gone.

Pizza Girl starts telling the manager about my situation.

Pizza Girl: She says there's a slice missing from here pizza.

Manager: What? Are you serious.

Pizza Girl: She says she's serious.

The manager starts laughing hysterically.

Manager: Hello, ma'am?

Me: Hi.

Manager: So, there's a slice *giggle* missing from your pizza? *laughter*

Me: Yes. I got the pizza, opened the box and there was a slice gone.

Manager: Well, how many slices does your pizza have?

Me: *pauses* You've gotta be fucking kidding me...SEVEN! There are seven slices on an EIGHT slice pizza. I am NOT RETARDED.

Okay. I didn't say that, but I sure as hell thought it.

Me: There are 7 slices.

Manager: Oh. Well, umm, I don't...this has never happened before. So, it got there like that?

Me: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY...No. I ate the fucking slice of pizza and was like "oh, wtf. my slice of pizza is gone" Does she think I'm stoned? I don't sound stoned!!! Yes. It got here like that.

Manager: Do you want us to send you another pizza?

Now, this is where it gets tricky. What am I to do? At this point, I'm famished. I need something to eat. Should I wait another 45 minutes for another pizza? Fuck no.

Me: Well, I'm sorta hungry now.

Manager: Well, how about I leave this credit on your account for a free pizza for your next order?

Me: Will it have all eight slices?

Manager: *laughs* Yes, it will have all eight.

Me: Okay. Thanks.

*CLICK*

Alright. So, the mystery of the mising slice goes unsolved, but I got a free pizza out of the deal. I'm still wondering WTF happened to the 8th slice on this one. Did some mysterious creature intercept my pizza in-transit, eat a slice, and then put it back in it's box? Did the delivery person eat my slice? Maybe it was the chef. Maybe it was Colonel Mustard in the Library with a candlestick. Damn that Colonel Mustard! Well, to whoever you are, you pizza stealing son-of-a-bitch: SCREW YOU!


* this is in or around Westlake
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 192659778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > Good lays are hard to find.
Originally Posted: Fri, 12 May 17:25 CDT
Good lays are hard to find.
Date: 2006-05-12, 5:25PM CDT


Why are my vagina and I crying ourselves to sleep every night? Isn't this America, land of the be-a-woman-and-get-great-sex-anytime? I even have a button. Press it right, and sex will happen. Good sex.

But do I really want to go through another terrible hook-up? Can I really take the horror of a rocker dude who's snorted too much blow to have a rock hard love wand? I didn't come over because I wanted to spend four hours coaxing a dong into cooperation. I wanted your sexual prowess to smack me into submission.

How about trying out the older gent in hopes that, like everyone says, he has pleasing a woman all figured out? Not surprisingly, I found the old-man groaning to be too distracting for me to enjoy myself at all. And just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm going to call you Daddy. Cause that's gross. I already have a Daddy, and I don't want to be involved with his penis in any way. At all.

Perhaps the charming friend could be a good partner. I still vote that sex with friends can work out...unless of course a) they want to shove their balls into my mouth to near-asphyxiation or b) they think that sleeping with me means that I suddenly want to receive love letters with lube enclosed.

I'm a progressive, intelligent lady and don't expect people to adhere to old fashioned gender roles but DAMMIT MEN. BE MEN.
It's so easy. I'll stroke your penis as well as your ego, perhaps even intentionally squealing loudly so the neighbors will know of your manhood. I'll be a willing participant in any kinks. I'll wear a cheerleader outfit. I'll let you toss me around. I'll growl and bite and then raise my voice five octaves when I come (if you make me). Dammit I'll make you feel like a man.


All I expect of you is that you make me feel like a woman. That is, act like my vagina is the Arc of the Covenant. Sigh, moan, sweat, clench your teeth, rub, mumble curse words in disbelief. Let me know that being between my legs makes you want to bust in five seconds, but hold it until I'm all done.

I'm going to get a margarita.



* this is in or around Austin
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 160230356
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > Fuck you, chores
Originally Posted: Wed, 10 May 00:18 CDT
Fuck you, chores
Date: 2006-05-10, 12:18AM CDT


Fuck you, cleaning the fridge. How the hell do you get so dirty? I don't eat in there, I simply store food. What the fuck is that stain on the bottom shelf? Do gnomes have parties in here when I'm at work or something? Nasty little gnomes. And, for some reason, I feel really, really vulnerable when I'm bent over, scrubbing your gross shelves. Don't know why. So thank you for keeping my beer cold, but fuck you for making a mess of it.

Fuck you, paying bills. Every goddamned month? Are you kidding me? I barely even watched TV this month, I still gotta shell out all that cash? And, while I'm at it, fuck your pathetic little late fees. They're small enough for me to easily ignore them but they add up over time. So thank you for the electricity, water and internet, but fuck you for your constant demands.

Fuck you, deleting old porn to make room for new porn. What man can make this decision? It's like choosing which of my kids to leave behind on the sinking ship. Am I tired of that one slightly chubby girl who doesn't make much noise? Fuck, this is killing me. I hate my old ass computer.

Fuck you, changing light bulbs. It's 2006, right? I was pissed when I wasn't issued a jetpack in 2000 (where's my fucking raygun?!?), but I figured by now technology would've at least advanced to the point where I don't have to stand on my wobbly chair and deal with this crap. Two bonus fuck yous: for scaring the crap out of me when I walk into a darkened room, innocently flick the switch and get momentarily blinded by that huge flash and terrifying pop! Also, for somehow convincing your lightbulb brethren to join you, causing a chain reaction that means I'm filled with fear whenever I turn on a light. Pop! Pop! Pop! What, did you all join in a suicide pact while I was asleep?
Bastards.

Fuck you, washing dishes. Yes, I know, you smell funny, and I know the longer I wait, the more weird slime stuff is just gonna accumulate on you. That's why I've pretty much switched to just using paper plates (fuck you, environment) and eating with my hands. I'm a caveman in an apartment.

Finally, fuck you, writing this rant.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 159271352
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > PLEASE take my Jesus Plates
Originally Posted: Tue, 21 Feb 11:26 CST
PLEASE take my Jesus Plates
Date: 2006-02-21, 11:26AM CST


I have a set of 6 "Faces of Jesus Collector's Plates" and I believe they are ruining my life. They were given to me by a very religious neighbor as a Christmas present. Ever since then, I've been having a stream of bad luck. Shortly there after, I broke off with my boyfriend, got a job transfer to a place I hate, had a bird poop on my head, AND I have remained celibant since the day I received those plates. That's right, ladies and gentlemen: I haven't gotten laid. I believe that by having these plates in my closet, and refusing to display them, I have created this ill luck for myself. Why don't I display them, you ask? That's because they creep me out. So, I figure the only way to clear up my karma is to give them away to someone who would proudly display them.

Please, serious inquiries only. We are talking about my life, ESPECIALLY my sex life. Please do not respond if you plan on damaging them or using them in manner in which they are not meant to be used. If so, you will get horrible karma. Jesus doesn't play around.

PostingID: 135744279
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > The Effects of Celibacy
Originally Posted: Sun, 15 Jan 16:47 CST
The Effects of Celibacy
Date: 2006-01-15, 4:47PM CST


It has been less than a month since I broke up with my boyfriend, and it has been that long since I've gotten any sexual action. I'm not complaining. I've gone far longer without sex, and I'm sure there are many of you out there that have as well. In an effort to avoid sexual casualties, I'm not having meaningless, frivolous sex. I shall abstain.

There is something about having sex on a daily basis, and then suddenly not having it anymore. It does something to you. It changes you. It's like having a cup of coffee twice a day, and then not having it anymore. You get headaches, right? So what happens when I don't get my daily dose of penis? Well, I've noticed the following series of maladies:

1. IRRITABILITY- Suddenly I'm aware of how annoying Eva Longoria is. I don't know what it is. Maybe it is the fact that she is representing us Latin actresses, but cannot seem to get a role that doesn't require her to be a "sex pot". What does that say about our culture? Where are the roles with substance? I know there are intelligent roles for Latin women, but there are few. I'm irritated.

In addition, my impatience in everything is increasing. I was in line at the grocery store, and I was watching some kid tying his shoes for fifteen minutes. I almost lunged at him and tied them myself. Those two minutes I spend waiting for my cup-o-soup to heat up in the microwave are interminable. I attritute this new impatience and irritability to my celibacy.

2. BLURRED VISION- Does that sign say "slow for pedestians" or "glow on partisans"? I have dubbed the nickname "squinty." Do I need a stronger prescription of glasses? Would that cure the double vision? It can't be age related. I'm only 21. I shall attribute this new blurred vision to my celibacy.

3. SEXUAL SYMBOLISM - Everything around me has a sexual connotation. Is it just me, but is Marge Simpson's hair do a phallic symbol? George W. Bush's face looks like a vagina. Trees? Phallic. Pumping gas into my car? Oh so sexual. Skyscrapers? Phallic. Hotdogs? Phallic. Even my neighbor looks like a walking penis with his shaven head. I attribute this to my celibacy.

4. INCORRECT GRAMMAR- You cannot imagine how many times I've spell checked this document. Is it spelled "grammar" or "grammer"? Do I use a comma or a semi-colon? I've never had this problem before. I attribute any occurences of incorrect grammar to my celibacy.

5. GERIATRIC MAGNETISM- Suddenly, everywhere I go I'm surrounded by old people. I'm talking about 70+. I don't have a problem with senior citizens, but I find it a strange occurence that they navigate towards me. Hell, I was at a club on college night last Thursday, and there was Sean Connery looking fellow standing beside me. WTF??? It's as if they can sense the unuse of genitalia and they think I'm one of them. I attribute this new geriatric magnetism to my celibacy.

6. THE DESIRE TO OWN A CAT - That homeless tabby looks so cute. Maybe I'll take him in. What? Wait a damn minute. . .I'm allergic! Why the hell do I suddenly want a cat? I shall attribute this strange desire to my celibacy.

7. DRIVING AT A SLOWER SPEED- I've always been a speed demon on the road, but lately I've been having old ladies in Lincoln Towncars pass me while giving me the finger. 80 miles an hour on the highway? No siree Spongebob! I drive at a solid 60 mph now. Why? I don't know, but I'll go ahead and attribute my slower speed to my celibacy.

8. KNITTING- I'm sitting in front of my television watching a riveting episode of House. I look down. There is a ball of yarn on my lap and I'm holding two needles. How did the yarn get there? And when did I learn how to knit? I attribute this phenomenon to my celibacy.

9. MASTERY OF PUZZLES- Jigsaw, crossword, cryptograms, or whatever. Somehow I'm an expert. I attribute this to my celibacy.

10. DECLINE OF HUMOR- Suddenly I'm not as funny or as clever as I used to be. I'm no longer on top of my game. My keen observations of the trivialties of life have turned into inane ramblings. I was once sharp, but now I'm dull. I'll consider this a phase, and I will attribute this to my celibacy.


PostingID: 125583198
~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > Craig’s List Top 10 M4W Personal Ads
Originally Posted: Mon, 12 Sep 00:02 CDT
Craig’s List Top 10 M4W Personal Ads
Date: 2005-09-12, 12:02AM CDT


1. I’m so tired of the bar scene!
Obviously, this has nothing to do with my being tired of drinking beer and staring at your ass, it has to do with the fact that I’m getting too old and drunk to get anyone to come home with me anymore. I’ve also realized that peeling a girl off the bar where she’s passed out is not the best way to meet one with Marriage Material.

2. I want an outdoorsy girl!
Let’s go hiking, swimming, fishing, running, sailing, canoeing, camping, mountain climbing, bungee jumping, skydiving, spelunking, deep-sea diving, and so on until we’re so completely exhausted that we don’t even have the energy to have sex. It will help if we both take steroids.

3. Nice guys still exist!
Who, me? Just wanting to get into your pants? No way! I’m the “nice guy” that all the girls say they want, but never actually fuck! All you girls just want the "bad boys." I’m so sick of having my hot friends cry on my shoulders about their asshole boyfriends. Why doesn’t anyone ever want me? I’m here! I do exist! Love me! Trust me, I’m the ONLY guy on Craig’s List who isn’t just trying to get into your pants.

4. I’m so old fashioned.
That’s right—I know all the romantic, decent, passionate ways to get into your pants. I’ll pull out your chair, hold the door open for you, and send you dozens of roses. When I drop you off and give you a polite kiss on the cheek and thank you for a wonderful evening, our eyes will meet and I’ll just know deep inside from that special look in your eyes that soon enough, you’ll be letting me do you up the ass.

5. I’ll be your sugar daddy.
I’m just some dried-up old creep who will probably make your skin crawl when you touch me, but I work at Dell and I have enough money to woo some pathetic University of Texas co-ed into giving me a hand job every now and then in exchange for a new wardrobe from Urban Outfitters. Shoot me a pic and your PayPal account number.

6. I’m scary commitment guy.
Aren’t there any women out there who actually want to spend the rest of their lives with someone? Girls always say they want commitment, but then they say no when I propose. On our second date, I expect to have our children’s names picked out. If you can’t handle that, then don’t respond. I’m a REAL man and I want a REAL woman who still believes that REAL love is possible!

7. I can use free concert tickets to get laid.
I have an extra ticket to see John Mayer, and I don’t have anyone to go with me. More accurately, I’m lonely and I can’t get laid, so I bought an extra ticket so that some freeloading bitch will be my date just to see a free concert. At least let me get to second base; the tickets cost me $65!

8. Did you know that shallow assholes can float?
We’re a bunch of completely shallow losers, but one of us owns a boat, and so we’d like to look really cool on the lake this weekend with a bunch of Playboy-type girls drinking beer and grinding to the top 40 on the bow of our boat. Send us a recent pic of you in a bikini and we’ll decide if you’re hot enough to impress the other shallow assholes on boats.

9. I will suddenly and unexpectedly throw in an unrealistic weight requirement.
I just really want a down-to-earth girl. We can cuddle and watch movies, go out and eat, go bowling, whatever. I’m up for anything! Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and see where it goes. (You must be under 120 pounds.)

10. Every girl I’ve ever dated has been crazy!
I refuse to think that I’m only attracted to psychos, or *gasp* that I might be perceiving everyone else as crazy when in fact I’m the one who’s nuts. Rather, I choose to believe that by pure coincidence, all of my exes have just been completely fucking nuts! Are there any normal girls out there with zero drama? I’m so sick of these incredibly hot girls with perfect bodies who turn out to be mentally unstable; I’m ready for an incredibly hot girl with a perfect body who I can MARRY. Are you out there?
PostingID: 96936233
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > My Roommate and his Loathsome Cat
Originally Posted: Thu, 7 Jul 00:37 CDT
My Roommate and his Loathsome Cat
Date: 2005-07-07, 12:37AM CDT


As I watch you rotate like a useless convenience store hot dog on my new leather sofa, I am struck by your insensitivity. Your crime was thoughtless which makes the pain all the more acute. I watch the crumbs spread out in your beard in a diasporal manner and contemplate the many ways to end your life. As you right hand clutches my last remaining pop-tart I am reminded of a bloated bear invading a campsite and then falling asleep at said campsite with the goods still in hand.

Not that this was your first encroachment on my territory. Apparently not satisfied with the potency of your Hi Karate cologne you decided to help yourself to my Calvin Klein Eternity for men. A few squirts would have been fine. A half-bottle later our apartment smelled like the bathroom at Studio 54. Your disco shoes and cavalier attitude matched perfectly.

As I dream of your quick demise I am flooded with another memory of a past indiscretion. Your foray into my bed with your rotund sweetheart while I was out of town still creates such sweet revulsion. My sheets, well irrigated with your lover’s fishy oil, brought explosive tears to my eyes. I embarked on the Sisyphean task of washing and stain removal but to no avail. Alas, I sacrificed the tainted sheets to the gods of Goodwill. I still suffer immeasurable guilt thinking of the poor bastard who now snuggles his face next to that tuna essence – dreaming of finding Nemo.

While your worthless cat eats the crumbs out of your raggedy beard I envision its next shit that will remain in the litter box for eons. As the mouser smiles at me and licks its shitty paws I can hear its digestive system forming a handsomely sized log which I will be forced to scoop out of the litter box due to toxic fumes permeating the living room. I can’t help but think that in certain countries cats are a delicacy. Mr. Whiskers here should be no exception. Die Mr. Whiskers! Die roommate!

PostingID: 82898962
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > Re: Rant: My sex drive
Originally Posted: Thu, 30 Jun 17:36 CDT
Re: Rant: My sex drive
Date: 2005-06-30, 5:36PM CDT


Hi, I'm the typical Austin CL guy. Instead of actually listening to your problem and offering useful advice, I'll suggest something else. Sex with me. That's right, me. I know it's a revolutionary idea on this board, a guy soliciting sex from some girl who didn't ask for it, but hey I'm a pioneer in that regard.

So let's meet in a dark alley somewhere and I'll worship whatever it is you want me to worship. Feet? Cool, I can get into that. Are you fugly? Great, I have a fetish for that too. After all, I'm just that desperate. If you want, I can meet you at Walmart and we can do it in the backseat of my used kia (the benz is in the shop). Got a thing for dressing rooms? Awesome, me too! I can take it as slow or as fast as you want. Oh, and I forgot to mention I'm devilishly good looking as well. Of course, who isn't on this board, right? We're looking for action on the internet because we're all winners! And I can go all night doing whatever you want. I'm DDF and tall, obviously. I can be as nasty or as nice as you want me to be.

Oh, and don't worry about contacting me. I have already written, and will be writing you several times throughout the course of the next day or so, using different email addresses and a different picture for each one. I'll try a couple different things: the nice guy approach, a canned response, a couple cock shots, the married guy who just isn't getting any at home, etc. Who knows what you'll respond to? So if and when you want some hot action from a handsome single millionaire, you know where to find me. In the meantime, good luck with your libido.

*smooches*
PostingID: 81880729
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > To The Nudist Who Keeps Calling About My Room
Originally Posted: Mon, 28 Mar 11:51 CST
To The Nudist Who Keeps Calling About My Room
Date: 2005-03-28, 11:51AM CST


Look, If you are really looking for housing, then welcome to Austin and good luck. But if you are using the Craigslist housing ad space as a way to live out some alternate internet identity, then I think that there are better choices. First off, I am genuinely happy for you that you were blessed with such good looks. Double that for all your ex's that have gotten to appreciate how "well-endowed" you are. I think that it is great that you are "comfortable enough in your skin" that you find it unnecessary don skivies just to grab a sandwich out of the fridge. When I got the first call from you, I thought that maybe my friend Charlie had started drinking again, and that a six-pack and too much time on one's hands led to little gag's like this. And it wasn't even the thing about you wanting to know how I felt about you crusing in the buff that set me to thinking. Hell, I live on South Congress. No, it was the fourth time that you mentioned that you were a model and that you were well endowed, that I was like, "Charlie!" Then, every subsequent time me or my roomate would post, the phone would ring, and there you would be, not with any qustions about the layout of the house, the amount of deposit or bills, or any other relevent little question. Just right on into the whole "hot naked model with a really super cock" bit. Maybe I am way off here, but you seem to think that the size of your johnson is more important than the fact of it in my kitchen at all. You also seem to think that by repeating over and over again that you were a model is going to somehow make you seem like a good choice for a roommate. Not true. Anyway, if I wanted to hear about big dicks in their glory days I would just turn on FOX News. And my roommate is starting to get creeped out (seen too many horror flicks that start with a prank call gone awry). If you are in fact looking for a room, then good luck. But may I suggest that you place your own ad outlining your special needs and assets in the housing wanted section so that my roommate can stop sleeping with the scissors under her pillow. Thanks
PostingID: 65808256
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > Rant: I’m a cranky Jew
Originally Posted: Tue, 7 Dec 13:04 CST
Rant: I’m a cranky Jew
Date: 2004-12-07, 1:04PM CST


I’ll probably get flamed for this, but it has to be said:

I hate Christmas.

Everything about the Christmas season irritates me. Especially the fact that it has become a fucking season. It’s not enough to conquer continents … now we’re laying claim to whole seasons, eh? Typical. Do we really have to start celebrating this holiday in October? And continue celebrating it until New Years? No wonder you all get depressed around this time … Christmas eats up 20% of your year. I don’t know where you get the stamina for it. I sure don’t – and I’m Jewish.

Not that a pesky detail like that should matter. No, you make sure that the whole damn country is along for the Christmas ride, whether we like it or not. “It’s Christmas All Over the World” is your fucking instruction manual. You make it impossible to avoid. Most annoying thing about Christmas? There are so many to choose from that it’s hard pick the worst offender, but the Christmas music is definitely a top contender. Do any of you actually like that shlock? I feel sorry for people in retail this time of year. Thirty minutes at the GAP and I want to crawl out of my skin. If I had to listen to that shit all day long I’d shoot someone. (And can someone please tell me why every store has to suddenly stink like a cheap scented candle?)

But hey, if you want to listen to that inane drivel day in, day out for two months -- to each his own. But why does it have to become the soundtrack of our collective lives twenty-four hours a day? Most Wonderful Time of the Year my ass. Nothing is safe from its reach. Restaurants, shopping centers, movie theatres, offices … you’re even piping that shit into parking lots now. And I’m so glad you did -- because I forgot it was Christmas! Thanks for reminding me! For fuck’s sake, I can be doing my grocery shopping and listening to the muzak version of Silent Night. Christians, if that doesn’t shame you, then I’ll feel embarrassed on your behalf.

If you listen to Christmas music for more than two consecutive hours in any given day, I think it triggers chemical changes in the brain (the time period shortens to one hour if the musical selection includes Mariah Carey), causing temporary insanity. How else do you explain Christmas sweaters? The saddest part is that you put on that hideous thing in the morning, check yourself out in the mirror before leaving the house, and think to yourself, “Yeah, I look good.” You don’t. Really. No one looks good in a Christmas sweater. Take it off and dispose of it immediately, preferably by burning it.

And the decorations … man oh man. Christians have come up with some really creative ways to nastify their homes. Okay, okay -- candles in the windows are pretty, and lights are nice in moderation. A little holly and mistletoe never hurt anyone. But there is a line. And that line falls somewhere between, oh, the third Christmas tree you put up in your home, and the life-sized, mechanical Santa waving from your roof to the ten motorized reindeer grazing on your lawn. (On the day when one of you falls off your roof installing your Santa, I will not feel sorry for you at all. If you are disfigured in some way by your fall, let it be a lifelong reminder of your bad taste. I hope your reindeer short circuits in a rainstorm and electrifies you too.)

Every year, there is a point when I think to myself, “Alright, THAT is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen -- the holy grail of bad Christmas decorations. You can’t top that.” But Christian America, you always manage to outdo yourself. The list of tacky is inexhaustible! It’s impressive, really. If tacky were an Olympic competition, you would even get high marks from the German judges. As much as I admire your dedication to the sport, though, I’d like to offer a few guidelines to help you take your first steps this year towards what is called “taste.” When shopping for decorations to plaster over your home, keep the following in mind:

1. Anything over six feet tall should be avoided.

2. Refrain from inflatable decorations.

3. If you own anything that is over six feet tall AND inflatable, you deserve a slow death.

4. The same goes for anything that is motorized or talks.

5. If the amount of electricity being supplied to your lawn could power three or more carnival rides, you might want to think about scaling back.

6. Please, no nativity scenes displayed outside of any building that is not a church. (Doesn’t your savior deserve a more hallowed spot than the grassy knoll usually occupied by your garden gnomes?)

7. If you must have a nativity scene, stick to the script. Only a few characters are supposed to be at the manger, and we all know who they are. My old neighbors used to throw a few Disney characters into the mix. When the baby Jesus is visited by the Three Wise Smurfs, you’ve taken a very wrong turn.

And what do Jews hate more than Christmas decorations? That’s right, folks: Hanukah decorations. Newsflash: Jews don’t decorate for holidays. A good gentile rule of thumb: Can you spell it? (draydul? dreydil?) No? Then don’t buy it. So put down the tinfoil stars and the electric menorah. You are doing an excellent job of cheapening your own holidays. Leave mine the fuck alone.

Incidentally, let me clear something up. Jews do not put up Christmas trees. So stop asking. (I know someone out there will retort with, “I’m Jewish and I put up a tree,” and to you I say: You are confused.) And yes, on Christmas, a lot of us do go to the movies and out for Chinese food, because everything else is closed for two days … because, you know, the world stops turning on Christmas.

I guess all this is to say, not that I truly hate your holiday, but that it’s a real shame what’s happened to it. I’m tired of hearing that I should put up a tree and give Christmas cards and my mom should have taken me to see the mall Santa as a kid and don’t you feel the Christmas spirit? because it’s a secular holiday anyway. No, it’s not a secular holiday. Hey, remember that Jesus guy? I do, and that’s why I won’t devalue it. Would it be okay if we all just decided to give Ramadan a whirl, or wear a bindi because it looks cool? No. And what’s horrible is that I just spent the last hour and a half ranting about Christmas without hardly mentioning Jesus. I know some people are less observant so it doesn’t have as much religious meaning for them, and that’s fine. Celebrate however you want. But why demand that everyone *else* participate in the holiday, too? It generates so much Christmas white noise that it doesn't seem to be about anything for anyone anymore. Well, I know what it’s about, and I also know that it’s one of the two most important Christian holidays, which still has value for some of you. I’ll respect that, even if you don’t.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled flaming.

Merry Christmas,

Cranky Jew


PostingID: 51505157
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > My 9 step plan for the perfect blind date
Originally Posted: Sun, 2 May 21:36 CDT
My 9 step plan for the perfect blind date
Date: 2004-05-02, 9:36PM CDT



Ladies,
Are you anxious about your next blind date? Desperate to make an impression on the next potential Mr. Right? Well take it from a guy who knows! Follow my simple "9 Step Plan" (TM) to ensure that your next blind date is as successful as the one I had tonight!

1. Bring a friend...unannounced!

Tip: A great way to start a blind date! Your date will be thrilled when he walks into the bar to meet you and sees you...and your friend! Bringing a friend without asking/informing your date is a great idea. It does NOT send mixed signals and it definitely does NOT create an awkward "third wheel" dynamic. Bonus points if the friend chats incessantly on her cell phone and complains about wanting to go to another bar because the current bar sucks!

2. Dress inappropriately for the place at which you are meeting!

Tip: To really impress your date, wear ultra-tight pants and a mid-rif and cleavage exposing, backless top! Especially if you are meeting in an upscale bar. It will make your date feel extra comfortable to know that every guy in the bar is thinking "I'd like to beat him up and fuck her" and that every girl is thinking "Why did that guy bring a hooker to this bar?"

3. Make sure you are already drunk when your date arrives!

Tip: Is your speech slurred when you first meet your date? No? Well, then you haven't been drinking enough! It's a good idea to meet your date around 10pm, after you have hit Margarita Happy Hour at Taco Milagro and $2 Pint Night at Baker Street. Remember, make sure the unannounced friend is just as drunk as you are!

4. Make sure your date sees ALL of your tattoos in the first 5 minutes...even the one of the butterfly on your right ass cheek!

Tip: Nothing says "classy" like a woman struggling to pull down her ultra-tight pants to give her date (and the bar patrons in the immediate area) an up close view of the intricate needle work on her ass cheek.

5. Grab your date's cock and lick his cheek at some point in the first half hour!

Tip: Show your date that you're a "take charge" kind of girl by awkwardly fondling his junk and licking his cheek as he squirms to get away from you. Don't worry, it's not considered sexual assault unless he files a formal complaint with the police. If he looks uncomfortable, just say "I've never done anything like this before." Umm...never done anything like this before...since yesterday? Right...Penicillin, anyone?

6. Fall to the floor when you get up to use the restroom!

Tip: Remember, before falling down, make sure you blurt out "I've gotta piss." Those three words are the key to every man's heart. For an extra special moment, say this line while performing #5 above.

7. Word to live by: Accessorize!

Tip: You don't have to spend a fortune to properly accessorize. What's that I see? Toilet paper stuck to the back of your pants when you return from the bathroom? Way to think fast! The white TP really matches and accentuates the cigarette butt accessory on your leg that you picked up when you tumbled down to the floor.

8. Invite yourself over to your date's house/apartment!

Tip: Nothing says "I'm selective in choosing my sex partners" like inviting yourself to sleep over at a guy's house after drinking/talking with him for a whole hour. But what about your friend? Oh, don't worry about her, she's already fallen in love with the older (as in 60) gentleman on the other side of the bar!

9. Demand cab fare when your date replies "Fuck no!" to your sleep-over request!

Tip: What?? A man with standards?? How dare he! After all the trouble you went through to show up drunk and make a complete fool of yourself? Well, if he's not going to take you home and fuck you silly, then he at least owes you $20 so you can take a cab to meet someone who will!

That's right ladies, follow this simple "9 Step Plan" (TM) and you WILL make a lasting impression on your next blind date! GURANTEED, OR YOUR MONEY BACK!




PostingID: 30219233
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
best of craigslist > austin > rude female driver
Originally Posted: Tue, 2 Sep 21:24 CDT
rude female driver
Date: 2003-09-02, 9:24PM CDT


I was riding my bicycle in the righthand lane of traffic, on Robert E. Lee. You were a female in an SUV who yelled, "Why don't you try the sidewalk," as I pulled up to the light at Barton Springs Road. My hastily shouted response, "Why don't you try sucking my dick!" If you'll give my suggestion a chance, I'll do the same for yours.


PostingID: 15721774

best of craigslist > austin > Dear Cat, Originally Posted: Mon, 24 Mar 12:02 CDT
Dear Cat,
I have some issues with you right now that I would like to hash out. And now is as good a time as any with you laying over my arms while I am trying to type on the computer. You don't even look comfortable and you can't breathe lying like that with your butt higher up than your head but your brain is the size of a walnut so I will forgive you.
First of all, the litterbox. Is it your goal to poop on the rim of the box? Because if it is, bravo! Mission accomplished, you can stop now. You have proved your point. It is not funny anymore, and I have run out of sticks in the yard to clean it off with. The box is big enough, and you are still small, so don't even go there.
Now... making pointless, incessant noises. If I take something away from you because I am tired of hearing it scoot across the floor for the last 2 hours, it does not mean to go find something else to mess with. I mean really where do you find this stuff? A wad of paper? A bottle cap? Is that really that fun to play with?
I put things on the coffee table because I want them there. I do not want you to knock EVERYTHING off of the coffee table in one of your mindless "tearing ass through the house for no reason" adventures every single day. Once in a while, it is amusing. Every day, it's not that funny.
Your ass stinks. I mean REALLY stinks. Like the worst poop you've ever smelled. Why do you smell soooo horrible? I thought cats were clean! I have never experienced this smelly, stinky cat phenomena with any other cat on this Earth. Why, God, did you give me the most stinky cat in this solar system? And Cat, why do you insist on showing me your ass? I know it stinks, but what am I supposed to do about it? Bathe you??? LOL! Remember the last time that happened? I still have the scars... Also, when you sit on my arm, please have the kindness to put your tail over your butthole so it doesn't come into contact with my skin. I might catch something.
Lastly, I am allergic to you. I know this isn't your fault, but knowing this, why do you insist on rubbing the whole length of your body on my face? Okay... I just pulled a CATHAIR out of my eye. No wonder my eyes are itchy if you are purposefully depositing your dander into my eyes! What are you trying to prove here? That you know I'm stuck with you? While you're busy carrying things about the house in your mouth to deposit them into some area that I haven't discovered yet- would you mind bringing me a peice of sandpaper to me so that I can alleviate the itching you've caused me? Oh- while we're on this subject, I need my hair ties back- I know you have them. Thanks.


* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 616864088

best of craigslist > austin > Dear Cat,
Originally Posted: Mon, 24 Mar 12:02 CDT
Dear Cat,
Date: 2008-03-24, 12:02PM CDT


Dear Cat,
I have some issues with you right now that I would like to hash out. And now is as good a time as any with you laying over my arms while I am trying to type on the computer. You don't even look comfortable and you can't breathe lying like that with your butt higher up than your head but your brain is the size of a walnut so I will forgive you.
First of all, the litterbox. Is it your goal to poop on the rim of the box? Because if it is, bravo! Mission accomplished, you can stop now. You have proved your point. It is not funny anymore, and I have run out of sticks in the yard to clean it off with. The box is big enough, and you are still small, so don't even go there.
Now... making pointless, incessant noises. If I take something away from you because I am tired of hearing it scoot across the floor for the last 2 hours, it does not mean to go find something else to mess with. I mean really where do you find this stuff? A wad of paper? A bottle cap? Is that really that fun to play with?
I put things on the coffee table because I want them there. I do not want you to knock EVERYTHING off of the coffee table in one of your mindless "tearing ass through the house for no reason" adventures every single day. Once in a while, it is amusing. Every day, it's not that funny.
Your ass stinks. I mean REALLY stinks. Like the worst poop you've ever smelled. Why do you smell soooo horrible? I thought cats were clean! I have never experienced this smelly, stinky cat phenomena with any other cat on this Earth. Why, God, did you give me the most stinky cat in this solar system? And Cat, why do you insist on showing me your ass? I know it stinks, but what am I supposed to do about it? Bathe you??? LOL! Remember the last time that happened? I still have the scars... Also, when you sit on my arm, please have the kindness to put your tail over your butthole so it doesn't come into contact with my skin. I might catch something.
Lastly, I am allergic to you. I know this isn't your fault, but knowing this, why do you insist on rubbing the whole length of your body on my face? Okay... I just pulled a CATHAIR out of my eye. No wonder my eyes are itchy if you are purposefully depositing your dander into my eyes! What are you trying to prove here? That you know I'm stuck with you? While you're busy carrying things about the house in your mouth to deposit them into some area that I haven't discovered yet- would you mind bringing me a peice of sandpaper to me so that I can alleviate the itching you've caused me? Oh- while we're on this subject, I need my hair ties back- I know you have them. Thanks.

The Truth
See the light how it shines..heralding such a glimmer of hope for the masses
Clasp it to your breast tightly,do not let go
Close your eyes and whisper the names of the holy ones
Kneel and beg, froth and whimper...crawl for them...
Do not spend one moment in questioning grace
For that is heresy and intolerable to those on such shaky ground.
Slowly move in a movement,in a spiral dance of remembrance for that which never existed without the thievery of others.

Negate all of the boundless grace that covers this earth ..a slow amazing progression all its own.
Belittle that which is so plain to see without morality to cloud your mind in its suffocating embrace
Whirling as if a sun unto ourselves lost in its apotheosis grace..we shine..we shine
Lift your arms up high and come what may,you are your very own quintessential metamorphosis
Emblazoned in glittering writing upon your brow for all to see..mouth parted ever so slightly you gather the very breath of life.
For eons spanning endlessly we gather the tears of man and woman and create with them an irresistible influence.
An undeniable attraction bursts forth from the confines of such a limited faith and what remains is ceaseless and interminable

email this posting to a friendbest of craigslist > SF bay area > Hey Crackhead
Originally Posted: Sat, 27 Mar 15:36 PST
Hey Crackhead
Date: 2004-03-27, 3:36PM PST



Yes, you. You sick fucker. On Wednesday morning I emerged from mygirlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the topsoff both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no ideawhy anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike wasuntouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank goneawry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebagriding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticketthat night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where theyreplaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). Theyexplained to me that 'people' - I use the term loosely here - like youbreak off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smokecrack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this iskind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOURcrackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode homefrom the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face.I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight Iwould have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peaceoffering. Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the busfor three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gainedsome fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funnyanecdote about how fucked up you are, and how our paths once crossedbriefly in the night.

But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. Youcouldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window ofa home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest onyour laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough foryou, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more.

This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, Ifound my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took theright one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time Ihad a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought -having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, thesparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So Ihad to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mmsocket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2' driveratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4' and 3/8' ratchets. So I had to buy a1/2' ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity onme and gave me the senior citizen discount (I'm 25) it still cost me$22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a3/8'-to-1/2' drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet.And to that I say 'Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not finished. Andbesides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2' ratchet anyway so it'sprobably not worth it to take it back now.'

OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have doneme wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totallyunderstandable. I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quiteaddictive. What I don't understand is,

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin fora calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is themain thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thingyou do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The othercrackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the fucking saw you usedto saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why notsell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thoughtinto this, have you?

Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buycrack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly bethat stupid.

I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would betantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead -specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street andyou have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me,and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this postinstead of engineering shit, and it is concievable, if not likely, thatmy boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at youdude.

Here are my options as I see them:

1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in ratpoison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one,it was his idea.

2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison.This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicablecrime. I'm sure this is super illegal and shit, but it's not likeanyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself.

3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steelmirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2' drive socket wrench, my 18mmsparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and wellbalanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry.

In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor andbuy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smokingexperience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Thinkabout it.

Sincerely,
Matt

*** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please disregard this posting ***

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love, for your dreams,
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own, without moving to hide it
or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own.
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy
fill you to the tips of your fingers
and toes without cautioning us
to be careful, be realistic,
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty every day,
and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live,
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what
or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company
you keeping the empty moments.

~Oriah Mountain Dreamer

10:56 - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

28 Aug 2008





























"The World As I See It" by Einstein
Category: Writing and Poetry


http://www.aip.org/history/einstein/essay.htm


'The World As I See It' by Einstein


Einstein at his home in Princeton, New Jersey
'How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...

'I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.

'My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude...'
'My political ideal is democracy. Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized. It is an irony of fate that I myself have been the recipient of excessive admiration and reverence from my fellow-beings, through no fault, and no merit, of my own. The cause of this may well be the desire, unattainable for many, to understand the few ideas to which I have with my feeble powers attained through ceaseless struggle. I am quite aware that for any organization to reach its goals, one man must do the thinking and directing and generally bear the responsibility. But the led must not be coerced, they must be able to choose their leader. In my opinion, an autocratic system of coercion soon degenerates; force attracts men of low morality... The really valuable thing in the pageant of human life seems to me not the political state, but the creative, sentient individual, the personality; it alone creates the noble and the sublime, while the herd as such remains dull in thought and dull in feeling.

'This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of herd life, the military system, which I abhor... This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!

'The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man... I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature.'

Albert Einstein (signature)

How ro Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
Current mood: cantankerous




1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don'tdisguise your voice.3. Every time someone asks you to dosomething, ask if they want fries withthat.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk andlabel it 'in'

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3weeks. Once everyone has gotten over theircaffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with'in accordance with the prophecy.'

7. Dont use any punctuation marks

8. As often as possible, skip rather thanwalk.

9. Ask people what sex they are. Laughhysterically after they answer.

10. Specify that your drive-through orderis 'to go'.

11. Sing along at the opera.

12. Go to a poetry recital and ask whythe poems don't rhyme.

13. Put mosquito netting around your workarea. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

14. Five days in advance, tell yourfriends you can't attend their party because you'renot in the mood.

15. Have your coworkers address you byyour wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

16. When the money comes out the ATM,scream 'I won!', 'I won!''3rd time this week!!!!!'

17. When leaving the zoo, start runningtowards the parking lot, yelling 'run foryour lives, they're loose!!'

18. Tell your children over dinner.'due to the economy, we are going to have to let oneof you go.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/main.htm


I WOULD RECOMMEND THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT YET.

Sad Notes of an Unlived life.

A terrible tragic overture casts its notes above my head
a constant cacophony of reverberating sounds that never diminish
they never diminish
they never fade
their constant voice of failure and things not accomplished
a never ending mantra of things that make me hang my head in shame
time passes on, as it always does
treading heavily on my soul
a worn path of worry i traverse all the time
i see the footprints that i have cast over and over with my thoughts
i strangle myself daily
i pity myself of all my failures
i almost seem to crave the pain and misery
clinging to the only sensation i can feel anymore...anguish.
I look about me and see that no matter what i do life goes on.
I am being dragged behind...screaming in pain
I keep trying to reach back to hold onto things i didn't mean to lose touch with
Parts of myself i have felt sloughed away with time.
Turning my gaze from that which was to that which will be is so hard.
Feelings finger-like tendrils of my wishful life swirl around me and i cry..

I cry and it solves nothing
I cry and i lose myself in it all...i cry again as reality becomes nothing but a blur

Willing into existance that which will free her confined soul.
Take that which is within and free it from its bondage
Gleefully ravage her body and soul...wielding razor sharp claws
Small writhing and slick it utters noises..squealing and shrieking
Eyes open truly
Head thrown back
Mouth wide gaping hole...a sound escapes..
One never heard by her ears and she feels this thing welling up inside.

Helpless to stop it.
A bestial host.
A insignificant creature for the betterment and evolution of another.

Awareness courses through her body
Running small fingers along her slick inner walls...a horror dawns
Beckoning such a small yet promising creature.
It smiles,mouth open wide,full of shredding fangs..
Soon...it murmers its tongue sounding thick and clumsy...Ssssoooon...

Second Life
Second Life magnify
I have been taking note of how much time i spend online.On one game in particular.It is called second life.Yesterday i spent 16 hours on it.Kicking ass and having a hell of a good time.I have friends now in France,England,Italy,South Africa,Georgia,Massachusetts,Oregon,Texas etc.That is just in my fighting group.Last night i killed 7 and had a blast.I took 2 prisoners and tortured one sexually. *evil grin* Then i was killed and taken hostage lol.It was great and you know what i dont have alot to keep me busy or very happy for that matter.This keeps me happy and my mind somewhat off of the pain.I wouldnt trade it for anything.


I am so happy to have my second life.Because to be honest,lately this first life bites hardcore.So if you do not see me online please be patient with a response to your emails or messages or comments.Because i still care about all of you.
***********************************************************
***********************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you ever hear the herald of the night?Have you ever wondered where that phrase comes from?My mother was very much
aptly described as this.Her approach signaled another night of debauchery.Heralding the beginning of many things.Yet
another little creation that would result from these actions.Kitty has many things in her blood.She shares her mothers blood with the touch of the wild in it..the fae and
changeling blood found to be especially appealing to vampires.Invigorating them in ways that ordinary blood cannot
produce but also being changeling it allows for a strange connection to the dead and afterlife not usually afforded
to most blood. Mother channeled the dead as she lay legs spread breeding whore that she was inviting many numbers
of creatures to partake of her charms...never thinking beyond her own pleasure she did not care...naught for herself.
Morbid monstrosities did ..grinning..mouths open and dripping blood and saliva, did further the additions of basic keys
to life.Their contributions creating something that was not meant to be.That had never even been thought of..beyond
perhaps nightmares...unspoken fantasies of creatures never before having traveled along this plane.

Wraiths,Slithering demons,shape-shifters,nekos and the dead....the very maleable essence of chaos itself seems to be
imbued within this child.


Chaos breeding...she laughs.Casting a circle and then releasing that which is held within...throwing a huge gauntlet
and stifling everything within it to a breeding frenzy..this is what my mother chose to do..in order to..she snarls
..ENHANCE HER PLEASURE.Seas called forth to plunge within her..mouths open wide and fangs with drops of saliva forming
breathing close...growling into her ears and yet she begged for more.She could hear the screams from the abyss..singing
their unique song to her...writhing in mere pleasure...she lost count..lost herself..when it was over she was with
child.


Hence three of us that we are aware of.Much of an
incredible heritage can be blamed on my mother. My sister Joy has a very unique makeup.She has the
touches of light and lightness yet also the dark lingers there.It has been a cause of much conflict for her as she
travels along in her path called life.She has confessed an interest in her father but remains guarded and fearful of
where this might eventually lead.She is a creature full of grace and wishes to remain so.

Kitty feels gifted to have
found one of her own suddenly placed into her path.She thought herself alone in this world...nor having spewed forth
another sister of whom she will not speak.One that she considers to be dead.So having Joy in her life has caused her
much happiness.Perhaps even renewing a belief in the possibilities of this world to bring happiness as opposed to the
usual.



archangel dark angel lend me thy light
through deaths vale till be have heaven in sight

........................moving on
(Roleplay)

..tr>..table> A hand flutters outwardly,watch as it grabs as the air almost as if trying to grasp what is happening but failing.You see the
hand slowly go limp..lowering down as if in a small surrender...feeding frenzy upon her..willingly she succumbs to a revelation
that can only come when she is bathed in a liquid dream of blood.Looking about youll see nothing but a writhing body..blood
mingling with her skin a transmission of life fluids..spread upon unwilling skin.The victim some nameless creature.Hunting
means nothing more to her than a capturing of a small part of the victim,life flowing inwardly as it exits them in a merciless
outpouring.She smiles sencing this.Silvered eyes closed in a reverie she whispers 'It is only a small death...such a surrender
to me'She hears you whimper and she runs her hand over your face telling you with her mind to still..to be calm...to feel no
pain...

Her arm holds you wrapped around your back as she lowers your body to the ground..small sucking sounds coming from her as she
feeds.. the still night air is quiet except for these primal sounds.You can feel it around you as you watch her.It
shivers inwardly almost as if it were imbued with a life and an awareness of its own.You silently observe this feeding and are
still yourself.A blackness creeps along the edges of your vision,closing in.You seem to be falling into some stupor...you look
at her then as her eyes have come open watching you.She locks eyes with you and slowly you feel yourself being sucked under
spet along like a current in a strong sea and it takes you body and soul with it.As you spiral down you can hear a sound a
small whimpering that seems to grow..you feel her reach in and touch your mind again.Softly gently you feel your mind go numb.
Feel a pull,wishing..slowly you sence no more.

As she releases your body..moving her arm back she looks down on her latest soul contribution and she stretches her body..
white and lithe as a cats.Feeling this new energy surging throughout her body she moves in closer to them and places a small
kiss on their cheek.'thank you,dear one' She moves off into the night seeking perhaps one more..before the night is finished.

Annihilate me please
raze me to the ground
make me no more
take this next breath from me
no not withhold that last blow
Show no mercy
let pity not stay your hand to falter
i will it to end
i carry true acceptance of death within
solutions abound for my problem
a tincture of some root
asphyxiation will do
nod my head in acquiescence
expose my neck,mark the spot
cleave one from the other
a small smile appears on my lips
for it is the end i seek
the termination of this pale gallery of life
mournful song encircles me
claw my fingers through my burial dirt
white flesh covered in blissful end
waiting,head offered up
eyes glazed over in anticipation
gazing at the dirt under my nails
longing to lay under it's cool caress